Losing a Friend

Posted by Amy Jones on October 8, 2008 - 12:44 PM

I’m about to lose someone close me.   I feel sad and nostalgic and my stomach kind of hurts. 

It’s weird because it’s not even a family member, or a close friend, or a beloved pet.  My grandparents are selling their 185 acre farm in southeast Nebraska and I can hardly compose this without tearing up. 

It’s so strange how land takes on human characteristics.   As if it were a person, I share memories with the Farm.  Its features are attached to unforgettable images – following Grandpa into the barn to see a new calf, crisscrossing the pasture looking for thistles (my brother and I got five cents for each one we spotted!), listening to stories while swinging on the swing, touring the garden for the latest cucumber count or tomato blight bulletin, playing in the rain in the front yard. I’ve always looked forward to visiting the Farm.  Much like a person, in a way, I guess it speaks to me.

I don’t suppose the Farm would be recognized for its scenic beauty by anyone else.  It has overgrazed pasture, some CRP-program acres and a farmyard with outdated buildings.  And yet I see beauty every time I visit.  There is a sense of peace on that place so strong I can almost see it.  The warmth of the light as the sun goes down and the sound of only chirping birds and insects is overwhelming.  Being there makes me want to stay forever.  

But the reality is that my grandparents are at a point in their lives when they can no longer manage 185 acres and my parents and siblings and I recognize that all the work that goes with a farm can’t be done from afar.  So as the Farm moves on to become a part of someone else’s life, I’m dealing with saying goodbye.  And while I realize that much of my grief comes from the harsh realization that I’m no longer a child wandering freely around the pasture looking for thistles, and that my time with my grandparents grows less every day, I know that a portion of my tears (and yes, I’m now officially crying) are for the loss of a piece of ground I’ve come to know like a trusted friend.  And I’m going to miss him.

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.  All that we love becomes part of us.”  – Helen Keller